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ILLNESS

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Back to the Future

This is the End, Beautiful Friend

Well, not really. I'm just getting rid of Greymatter and going back to Blogger (oh no!).

It is sort of sad, like saying good bye to something that's been with you for 4 and a half years. It is sad, especially all the work I put into it. It was faithful to me, except for the couple times it corruptified, and I didn't have to depend on anyone else's server except my own. And that's exactly where the problem lay.

And now, a new chapter in journalling...change your bookmarks, because just like my weird dream about the house across the street that got turned around, this is now the back door.

Yes, I will eventually change more links, but damn, I need a break right now.

Posted by Ann on 08/10/06@09:55 PM CST ..::Link::..

Sunday, August 6, 2006

The Age Milestone/My Need for Disapproval

The other day I watched a documentary on Janis Joplin simply titled "Janis." I have thought forever that Janis always looked older than her years and I assumed it was probably the fast lifestyle that inevitably did her in that also prematurely aged her. Except now. After I saw this movie, she looked so young, like a child. How did my perspective change so quickly? Am I getting that old? Have I reached some sort of age milestone where all the rockstars from your youth now look like they could be your children?

The most disturbing part of the movie was when she was doing an interview with Dick Cavett, and she was saying how she was going to go back to her home town of Port Arthur, Texas for her 10th high school reunion. Like all creative artists, Janis was shunned in high school. So what was confusing to me is why she would want to go back? Perhaps it was this glimpse into her personality which made me see someone not haggered (sp?) by drugs, but someone extremely naive. Maybe this is why I now see her as such a little girl (I don't mean this in a bad way, but I don't know any other way to phrase it) as opposed to a mature woman who upon receiving a high school reunion notification in the mail, laughs and tosses it in the trash. I assume she went "home" to see the popular in crowd and to say to them "look at me, see, I made it big, I'm more famous than you'll ever be. Wish you hadn't treated me like shit and laughed me out of town now?" I can respect that flipping off the establishment attitude, yet at the same time I think by the time you're 27 or 28 you're sort of beyond that, and would prefer to take the high road and ignore the reunion entirely...the ultimate flip-off. The unpopular kid turned famous showing up at his high school to show off is sort of a fantasy of the recently graduated 19-year old. By the time you're in your late 20s, let alone have the fame of Janis's stature, why would you want to bother? I think it goes beyond flipping off...I think she must have craved approval horribly, and approval by thousands of fans a night didn't matter...she needed the approval of her hometown and former classmates. I find that really sad.

I'm so glad that even though I was technically living in the same town I went to high school in by the time I got my 10th reunion notice, I technically wasn't there anymore. Stan and I were on a reconnaissance mission to Madison, where I got accepted to graduate school, the very same weekend as the reunion. Not that I would've gone anyway. By the time I graduated from high school I was worlds apart from that scene as if it was somebody else's life.

It does make me wonder, if Janis had my attitude towards high school reunions, would she still be alive? This desperate need for approval that she was trying to find in people she used to know, she finally found in a bottle and a needle. Maybe she shouldn't have cared and been a bit more ambivalent. Because it truly didn't matter, her high school reunion. It's just sad she couldn't see that.

Posted by Ann on 08/06/06@10:16 AM CST ..::Link::..2 Screamers.
By Ann @ 09:55 PM CST:08:10:06 ..::Link::..

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