ornamental

ILLNESS

Friday, July 28, 2006

DREAMs, Storms, and The Ugly Americans

The only dream I remember today was early this morning I overheard someone say "Merry Christmas" and I was confused because how could it be Christmas when I haven't even taken my fall vacation yet?

The night before last I had a dream that Stan's mom and aunt lived in a building that was partially a department store. They each had separate but connected units as they do IRL with their duplex. I also was walking through the department store and was accompanied on an escalator by a young man who was maybe teenaged. I remember knocking on the door of my MIL but she wouldn't answer, so knocked on the door next to it which was (my AIL?) her sister's. She answered and I went in, but the entry room was a bathroom that was somehow similar to my grandmother's bathroom.

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Here are some articles on the storm that came through our city yesterday.

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Last night Stan and I went to Bunky's. We had the same waiter that I had when I went there with Tim last month. Tim had asked him if he was the owner...heh. I think possibly he is of European Mediterranean (possibly Italian) descent, as he had an accent. There was a (loud man) couple sitting behind us who was most fascinated by this phenomenon (they don't get out much, I guess). I really wasn't eavesdropping, but they were so loud I couldn't help overhear them say, "Should we ask him how he got here?" WTF? OK, I can maybe see asking him where he is from out of curiosity, but HOW HE GOT HERE? The context was such that they were dubious as to his "legality" as a citizen. WTF? When the water returned, the question went something like:

"Can we ask you something in confidentiality?" (Yeah...like I'd believe it'd stay confidential)

I couldn't hear what the waiter said as he was much more toned down than the loud man, but they went on to say something like:

"My wife here thinks that all immigrants got here illegally."

WWWW TTTT FFFF ?????

Then they asked him some more prying questions--what is one supposed to do as a waiter, not respond and risk getting stiffed on the tip--like how long he's been living here. The waiter said he'd been here for 15 years. Astounded, Mr. Loud said "You must have been a baby when you came over!" Duh, meathead, if he was a baby he'd only be a teenager. Does he look like a teenager to you? (I took him for being maybe in his mid to late 20s...Stan thought maybe around 30). Also, do you think he'd have an accent if he came over as a baby? Not bloody likely! I hate that patronizing attitude of guys like Mr. Loud who think shorter, slighter people (as many people from southern Europe frequently are compared to cornfed all-beef Americans) are young when they're not.

I'd like to know how this couple got into Madison, a seemingly highly educated liberal city, with that yahoo sort of outlook. I wonder if they got here illegally.

Posted by Ann on 07/28/06@10:12 AM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Deja Vu...only worse

Well, here we go again. 2nd time in a week or so...power out again. Heavy, heavy rain. Not much wind at all, just a big downpour and some thunder and lightning. Oh joy, oh how I love re-establishing the printer connection. At least this time I printed out the instructions and placed them above my printer so I know what to do now, rather than having to search through a bunch of online documents hoping to find the right answer.
As much as my cable company infuriates me at times (it's great when it's working, but it sucks when it's down, plus it's a monopoly in town), one thing that is really cool is that when it goes out due a local power outage (electricity-related, not cable company related), I don't have to go through any hoops to get it up and running. It just comes back up. Can't say that with my printer local-to-ethernet adapter. All the other things on my network work flawlessly, except for that. Oh well, I couldn't live without it. Well, let me rephrase that...I could live without it if I got a brand new wireless laser printer. Do they exist? Ooops...can't check online to see if they do...cable is down. At least I have a battery in my laptop, although it's only 80% charged right now.
It's so dark in the house with the thunderstorm, I can't even see to do other things like paint or jewelry.
...
Shyeah! It'll be easier this time! I don't think so! I swear I spent over two hours this time trying to figure out the damned thing. Finally, I tried it, word for word according to the instructions (as I thought I was doing already), and the last time instead of plugging the asante talk power cord adapter directly into the adapter--pardon me, I don't know the tech terms for this--you know, plugging the little end into the adapter while the thick end is already plugged into the power strip, I plugged the thick end into the power strip while the little end was already plugged into the adapter. That seemed to do it. I was getting ready to call asante, and I really don't want to do that...you know...on hold...cell phone day minutes and cell phone batteries.
I guess I don't understand what the difference is...it's all electricity, so what's the difference if you have the disconnection at the source of the electricity, i.e., at the power strip or at the electrical outlet, or if you have the disconnection where it plugs into the device? I wish a techie could answer that without being condescending or smarmy.
--
Oh, and to top it all off, now my site's down.

Posted by Ann on 07/27/06@07:09 PM CST ..::Link::..3 Screamers.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

DREAM: Lecture Class with HamsteRat

I was in some sort of auditorium or large classroom. I was standing on a bleacher way on the sides...sort of like I would if I was at a concert and I couldn't see, except it was no concert. I was sort of jammed into a small architectural feature that snuggly accommodated my body, so that if I bent my knees so that I was in a sitting position, the alcove would support me without actually having a seat to sit on, if that makes sense. I think Stan was there, but he had to leave to go to another "class." There was space on the bleacher I was standing on for other people. A dark-skinned woman asked if she could sit there, and I said yes. She brought what looked like a large dresser drawer and placed it on the bleacher so that in order for me to move, I'd have to step over it. She indicated she'd be back, assumedly to sort through the dresser, but she never returned. I then decided I was uncomfortable, and went down closer to the front in theatre-like seats (again with the theatre). I was wondering why if I was in a class, why Stan and I didn't arrange our classes together. I was also thinking that I might have to go an extra semester or an extra year because my course schedules just weren't working out. (I hate these "I still haven't graduated yet" dreams). There was a hamster that was walking around in the seats in front of me (again with the rodent dreams). It looked sort of like a cross between a rat and a hamster. I call it and it comes to me like a dog. Stan's mom (adopted) is in back of me and I'm telling her about the hamsterat and she's sort of apprehensive to hold it, but it's very friendly and comes to her too.

Posted by Ann on 07/25/06@10:36 AM CST ..::Link::..2 Screamers.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Tim Driving DREAM

I dreamt Stan and I were driving with Tim, except this time Tim was the driver (IRL Tim doesn't drive...vision thing). I was sitting in the front seat and Stan in the back. It was a small cramped used 2-door car. We were in a town called "Chicagoland" but it wasn't Chicago; it was a small industrial city/town in Illinois just south of the Wisconsin border. I asked Tim why he was driving and how he got his license ("because it's a dream, Ann!" Why is it that that never happens?) and he says he doesn't have a license, he's just borrowing his brother's because he just had to have transportation in order to get to his job interview or something. He also said something about his brother saying he was Tim's dad in case Tim got stopped or something...makes no sense. Tim took us to an apartment building where he would be living. It was rather dirty and dingy inside. The outside looked nice, however. It looked more like a one-story single family home possibly built in the 1940s...pale aqua color with a modern-day tin roof. Stan and I were standing outside (it was winter, BTW) looking at the house and we backed up to look at it more and then we could tell it wasn't one story, but in fact 2.5 stories, and possibly it was older, like built around 1910 or so. There were some guys outside that seemed similar to Jay and Silent Bob, but only more real, more blue-collar and not exactly comedy lovable. Then it was as if we morphed into a movie theatre and those guys were sitting in front of Tim, Stan and I. Then Bill and someone else came to sit down next to us. The movie started, and I then realized there was a gigantic big-headed thick-necked man sitting right in front of me blocking my view of the screen. I said this was bullshit and moved a few rows ahead where I had a clear view. I turned around to motion to Stan et al to move up there with me, but they didn't see me or ignored me. I figured whatever, and just stayed where I was to watch whatever I was watching.

Posted by Ann on 07/24/06@08:33 AM CST ..::Link::..2 Screamers.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

'My 17 Years as an Unauthorized Jew' (The Good, section 4: Land Visions part 5: Intermission)

This is the end of these sections called 'The Good' and at this time I'm going to take a break from this to do some writing for may web site. I want to return to writing the next section in this story called 'The Bad', which is a name of no surprise. It is called by this name because it is in keeping with what "the bad" is as mentioned in Plato's book 1 of the Republic. What would be "bad" is to make the mistake of thinking that people are our enemies when in truth they are our allies.

I've laid some ground work in these sections called "The Good" and made two main points. One is that I have a history of 'strange or otherly experiences' and the second is that I've been very secretive about these things. In the next sections I will put into writing some conversations and things about a relationship I have had with an invisible being and the visions this being has given to me. The material is very difficult and many of the things 'Claire' has told me are so strange that I'm feeling very reluctant to ever write any of these things down. To a large extent I'm not sure I have the guts to continue and write down anything about any of these things, and I guess in time I will learn whether I have the courage to finish this or fail.

My job has changed some and I no longer have a half hour of quiet time for breaks and have to be able to interrupt my break time to help customers. This is just as well because I probably need a little more time to step back from this material before I do write it down publicly. I hope everyone will be patient, and I feel all of this will happen in its season, and if I never do write down the things Claire said and showed to me then I'll take the matter as though this material was fated to be left to silence. These things are difficult to think about, and at this point I feel uncertain about their place in my life and/or the world, so now it is time to let some time go by and wait.

I find myself in a strange dilemma within myself and time passing is part of this strangeness. For instance in 1996 when I had the most extensive conversations with this being I thought I might tell my father about them at some point, but he passed away in a year later and we never talked. I think about putting the main contents of these conversations and my thoughts around them in a written from, and this material is the core of the sections which would occur in 'The Bad' sections of 'My 17 Years as an Unauthorized Jew', but time continues to pass. I think I want to share these things with people I know, but I am still struggling to come to a place in my life when I can express these things, and I believe it will happen in time.

Here are a few examples of the kinds of things Claire has said to me, and one is like personal advice and the other is about the world. Generally the things Claire says are like I'm being given advice and the content ranges from very mundane to almost too strange to believe. I think these two examples come closer to the strange end of the spectrum. I have to admit that I have never found any basis for disbelieving anything Claire has ever said and what ever Claire really is the 'voice' is never a fabricator of information. However, most of the time the kinds of things I'm told I have no way to verify their truth or falseness....here are 2 examples:

When I was in grad school around 1994 I had to change studio spaces, and I was looking at a space that was small with four walls, but a nice painting space with one door way. The room also had some shelf space too which is very useful in a painting studio. At the point where I decided in my mind that I wanted this space Claire told me, "If you choose this space you will die in this room." So... I left that space and looked around at the other available rooms. I decided to take a studio space that had a window and 2 door ways. The room was a little larger, but because of the windows and doors there was less available wall space and it lacked the shelf space too. As it turned out I really enjoyed the space with the windows more anyway, and the first space I chose would have turned out to be too stuffy.

Sometime around the end of April in 1996 I remember Claire telling me something about Israel. "Israel has been tested and will not be tried by heaven again for 1000 years. In this time enemies will rise up to destroy her, but none of them will be allowed to succeed." It is my understanding that passing this test - whatever this test was somehow - has something to do with Israel's enemies being unable to destroy her for the next 1000 years, but it is hard to say I understand more that this in Claire's meaning, and I can't think of anything in the news that somehow fits these words about Israel.

These are a few examples, and someday I hope to write more.

Posted by Stan on 07/23/06@07:55 PM CST ..::Link::..2 Screamers.
By Ann @ 10:12 AM CST:07:28:06 ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

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