Saturday, April 29, 2006

'My 17 Years as an Unauthorized Jew' (The Good, section 4: Land Visions part 1: Floating Mountain)

There is a beautiful mountain in southern Colorado which seemed to take on a transcendent quality when I first saw it. Our family was traveling to Cortez Colorado to see the ruins, 4 corners and go sight seeing in Utah. Traveling with my family on the road to Cortez I saw this certain mountain from the highway when I was about 14 years old. The image of this mountain seemed to follow me long after that trip and became a reoccurring dream.

The image of this mountain would rise into the air and hover above the landscape with foggy clouds under its base. A small group of people approached me and began to tell me about their lives. They had lived around that area of Colorado several hundred years ago and mostly they talked to me about their families, their friends and other people they knew. I told them that the mountain was beautiful. They wanted to make sure I understood that it was a sacred mountain, and then they invited me to walk on it.

This mountain returned repeatedly in my dreams and each time I would walk on the mountain I was able to go farther along its path. The path began in a green narrow valley before accenting on to the mountain where it floats in the air. A small river runs through this valley with lots of lush green trees and misty fog. When the path climbs onto the mountain there are beautiful grasses and small flowers making the mountain look very smooth. Continuing around the mountain there are more rocky outcrops and cliffs, causing the path to become narrow and dangerous, the path crosses the mountain in the shape of an infinity symbol.

Each time I had this dream I was able to walk farther along the mountainís path, and I enjoyed walking on this path a great deal. Eventually I was able to cross over the narrowest and most dangerous part on this path, but the back side of this mountain turns into a low mound with trees and houses. At this point in the reoccurring dream I would walk around the houses and trees looking for the a way to return to the front of the mountain, but there was no way back. I was never able to return again to the beginning of the path, and these dreams came to and end leaving me in a place where I could no longer walk on the same path again.

Posted by Stan on 04/29/06@08:20 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

Friday, April 28, 2006

Hypercube and Point

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and Stan and I had a discussion about it the other night.

Sometimes I think about the possible paths one could take and how that affects your life, like you decide to buy one house instead of another, take one job instead of another, but is there a part of you that does take option b instead of option a? I picture this in my head, and it looks like a tree, or I should say a tree looks like a simplified verion of it, branches diverging, branches with branches. With a tree, the branches always diverge into smaller branches, but these smaller branches never converge, never meet up with other branches from another larger branch. If this analogy is accurate then if you choose option a instead of option b, then no matter what you will never meet up with the same pathway ever again.

If this was geometry, then it would be a hypercube. So many people live on a line segment, going from point y to point z. That's all they see is the line, past and present. They can't even envision their life as 4 dimensions, the hypercube.

Sometimes I find the past so very tedious and irrelevant. I am here, at point X, and that's all there is. Even something that happened 15 seconds ago, although fresh in my memory, is irrelevant. It is gone forever. I like to think about being on point X, living very much in the moment. That's how animals live, in the moment. I also like to think about the hypercube, different paths, different mes out there, somewhere, different Stans. That I will never meet. But I don't like the 2 dimensions, the line.

I haven't figured out what three dimensions, or a cube, could be in terms of a life metaphor, though.

Posted by Ann on 04/28/06@02:43 PM CST ..::Link::..6 Screamers.

Another beautiful ring

I'm surprised this one hasn't been bid higher yet (as of 1pm on Friday). Although it's *still* a little too high for me (yeah, I've gotten into the habit of not paying retail), I think I would bid on it if it was my size. Alas, the world is filled with size 7s, which neither Stan nor I can wear...too small for him, too big for me. The only thing that stops me from going broke with rings is that it's hard to find size 5s and 4s. But just look it at, it's so whimsical with the golden citrine beehive and the little bees. Simply charming.

I just wish my clothing size was my ring size. If my ring size was my clothing size, I'd have manhands. I can still wear some rings I wore when I was 14, although on different fingers. Having a hard time wearing my wedding ring, though, one that Stan made for me. It can't be resized because of the way it was constructed.

Posted by Ann on 04/28/06@01:09 PM CST ..::Link::..3 Screamers.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Holy $#*%!

It's my size. It's my birthstone. It's $19,566.00.

Oh well.

Posted by Ann on 04/24/06@11:19 AM CST ..::Link::..4 Screamers.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

'My 17 Years as an Unauthorized Jew' (The Good, section 3: Sights and Sounds part 4: Meaning and Truth)

I suppose one of the most interesting questions I may ask myself is where the line lies between madness and sanity, and I don't have any sure answers. I get use to these kinds of things, and even if I have are feelings of strangeness about them these things just become part of my life. For instance, when I was 34 years old the crows started talking to me, and at the time I thought that perhaps I had lost my mind. Maybe it is a symptom of some kind of mental disorder, but since the day crows first started speaking to me by telepathy I've had numerous conversations with these birds. Over time what seems to be unreal just becomes a seemingly ordinary part of my life.

In my opinion I think it is wrong to idealize these kinds of experiences, and I believe it's fair to say that these sorts of things make life more complicated rather than easier. I am troubled by the conception, which some people may have that visions are some form of revelation. I don't believe this is true, or at least not in my case.

Visions are more like questions than answers and every vision which I can remember seems to be some sort of riddle to be solved rather than a moment of insight. It would be wrong for me to say that meaning and understanding comes from the experience of having visions, because it's the other way around. What a vision means and how I may understand its importance only happens in the process of living my ordinary life, and the process of coming to terms with meaning may take years. Whatever visions are they raise questions for me, but I believe that real meaning and truth in visions only comes from living my ordinary life in this corporeal world.

Posted by Stan on 04/23/06@07:04 PM CST ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?
By Stan @ 08:20 PM CST:04:29:06 ..::Link::..Whisper or Scream?

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April 2006



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