08:02:2006 Entry: "Stan : 'My 17 Years as an Unauthorized Jew' (The Good, section 4: Land Visions part 5: Intermission)"
'My 17 Years as an Unauthorized Jew' (The Good, section 4: Land Visions part 5: Intermission)
This is the end of these sections called 'The Good' and at this time I'm going to take a break from this to do some writing for may web site. I want to return to writing the next section in this story called 'The Bad', which is a name of no surprise. It is called by this name because it is in keeping with what "the bad" is as mentioned in Plato's book 1 of the Republic. What would be "bad" is to make the mistake of thinking that people are our enemies when in truth they are our allies.
I've laid some ground work in these sections called "The Good" and made two main points. One is that I have a history of 'strange or otherly experiences' and the second is that I've been very secretive about these things. In the next sections I will put into writing some conversations and things about a relationship I have had with an invisible being and the visions this being has given to me. The material is very difficult and many of the things 'Claire' has told me are so strange that I'm feeling very reluctant to ever write any of these things down. To a large extent I'm not sure I have the guts to continue and write down anything about any of these things, and I guess in time I will learn whether I have the courage to finish this or fail.
My job has changed some and I no longer have a half hour of quiet time for breaks and have to be able to interrupt my break time to help customers. This is just as well because I probably need a little more time to step back from this material before I do write it down publicly. I hope everyone will be patient, and I feel all of this will happen in its season, and if I never do write down the things Claire said and showed to me then I'll take the matter as though this material was fated to be left to silence. These things are difficult to think about, and at this point I feel uncertain about their place in my life and/or the world, so now it is time to let some time go by and wait.
I find myself in a strange dilemma within myself and time passing is part of this strangeness. For instance in 1996 when I had the most extensive conversations with this being I thought I might tell my father about them at some point, but he passed away in a year later and we never talked. I think about putting the main contents of these conversations and my thoughts around them in a written from, and this material is the core of the sections which would occur in 'The Bad' sections of 'My 17 Years as an Unauthorized Jew', but time continues to pass. I think I want to share these things with people I know, but I am still struggling to come to a place in my life when I can express these things, and I believe it will happen in time.
Here are a few examples of the kinds of things Claire has said to me, and one is like personal advice and the other is about the world. Generally the things Claire says are like I'm being given advice and the content ranges from very mundane to almost too strange to believe. I think these two examples come closer to the strange end of the spectrum. I have to admit that I have never found any basis for disbelieving anything Claire has ever said and what ever Claire really is the 'voice' is never a fabricator of information. However, most of the time the kinds of things I'm told I have no way to verify their truth or falseness....here are 2 examples:
When I was in grad school around 1994 I had to change studio spaces, and I was looking at a space that was small with four walls, but a nice painting space with one door way. The room also had some shelf space too which is very useful in a painting studio. At the point where I decided in my mind that I wanted this space Claire told me, "If you choose this space you will die in this room." So... I left that space and looked around at the other available rooms. I decided to take a studio space that had a window and 2 door ways. The room was a little larger, but because of the windows and doors there was less available wall space and it lacked the shelf space too. As it turned out I really enjoyed the space with the windows more anyway, and the first space I chose would have turned out to be too stuffy.
Sometime around the end of April in 1996 I remember Claire telling me something about Israel. "Israel has been tested and will not be tried by heaven again for 1000 years. In this time enemies will rise up to destroy her, but none of them will be allowed to succeed." It is my understanding that passing this test - whatever this test was somehow - has something to do with Israel's enemies being unable to destroy her for the next 1000 years, but it is hard to say I understand more that this in Claire's meaning, and I can't think of anything in the news that somehow fits these words about Israel.
These are a few examples, and someday I hope to write more.
i have read plato but not the republic. dont recall what it was right now.
i have gotten feelings or pulls, strong emotions and dreams, mostly after my father died (he contacted me) but nothing as clear as what you have.
Posted by dawn @ 07:24:2006:11:40 PM CST
I felt my father looking at me within an hour after he died. Then a few hours later my mother called me to let me know he had died. My aunt - my mom's twin sister says he told her good by while she was driving before she found out he passed away.
My father and I had a very large gap in our relationship that had been there for decades. I think if he had lived longer we might have began to find more common ground to talk with each other, but this never worked out.
It seems like lots of people have had distant relationships with fathers from that generation. I think men were brought up to be mostly money makers and not necessarily needing to become too absorbed in relationships with their children. It's like a whole generation of distant and authoritarian type fathers.
Posted by stanley @ 07:25:2006:09:11 PM CST
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